keskiviikko 26. syyskuuta 2012
I have neurologigal failure at all around, quite similar than MS or Dystonia but doctors have no diagnostic for me even I have been in wheelchair over 7 years and now only my hands are working quite well.
So I started crocheting again, I have done everything with hands for all my life, there was couple of years that my hands were so bad condition and those so called fingers didn't work almost at all.
I am happy that wasn't purpose to be my rest of life, and I have now doing even it feels sometimes that only yarn and colors of it means something to me.
Of course smiles from my 4 kids when they put on new scarf or do their bed with new blanket...I feel good.
But that feeling is not why I crochet, I crochet because it is so calming even fingers doesn't feel their touch sometimes and hand are aching like hell, vibrations are bad cos yarn is going out from my fingers and hook is down at the floor often and then I wait someone to give it to me back...
But it is somehow calming, I used to say: "I have no need to think anything when I knit or crochet"
Well, of course there is thinking with but different than life around. Only crocheting people may regognize that feeling I think.
My pain is so bad that pain is not going anywhere while I have that hook and yarn with me, but even that pain is in me - I can go in the crocheting, hide behind my yarns and when I am hiding in the yarn riding with hook - pain is like bad dream...
so long time until hand stop cooperation with me,
then pain start sing it's awfull song and my nervous blinking everywhere like flighting in thunderstorm..but still I had time when I was hide - and our sofa have new pillow - again.